I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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