Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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