Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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