now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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