I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
