Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
nutella sex= disaster
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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