I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
