I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
