clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
