I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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