omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
NoShamevember. You game?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
