Don't you send me to vm
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real