just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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