Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
