her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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