I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?