so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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