I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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