At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
