It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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