What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
