get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
