I just cut my nipple shaving
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We need to get me chipped asap
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
