he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
