I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you traded sex for a burrito?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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