It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
