i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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