There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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