her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
third nipple confirmed
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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