i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
