You're completely useless in the revolution.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
