Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
