pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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