Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
