my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
