this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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