It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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