Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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