i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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