He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
