My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
