K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
