He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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