that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
