So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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