Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
