ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
