I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
