I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
