Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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