Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
