Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
