Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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