If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
