Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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