my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
