i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Are we still banned from the library?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
