Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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