this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Who died my cat blue again?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
