His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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