Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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