I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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