I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
