he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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