I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
