based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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