Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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