we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
