I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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