Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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