My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
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I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
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I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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