my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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