She said her name was "party"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
