saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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