Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
