I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
