You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
