if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
well you can't waste a boner
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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