I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
