I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
