Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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