I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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