Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
