sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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