very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
