i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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