i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
