I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
